Christi

So I've had a weird night. I talked to a friend of mine, who I've known since the age of ten. We agreed to meet up and casually have sex. It didn't wind up happening, though she Did show her (pierced) tits, twice, which was kinda cool.

I walked home and took some Soma, and 2 Klonopin.. once my dad fell asleep I figured fuck it, my cousin Big Tim is working at the local bar, I should pop in for a drink or two.

Rolling rock was on draft. I had 4, 23ounce servings, only two of which I payed for. Funnily enough, a girl I used to talk to, Jackie, and her gay friend AND new boyfriend showed up. I was polite and cordial but that's it.

I got to talking to a very cute girl who I went to elementary+ school with, her name is Candy. After talking to her gay friend Mitchell for a minute,he asked me to join him in the bathroom. I thought he'd offer me a key bump of some coke or speed but he wanted to suck my dick right then and there! I told him I wasn't in the mood, I let him stroke it a little bit and gave him my number.

CANDY is very cute, very sweet.. she hugged and kissed me good bye. I'm hoping to talk to her sometime; from our limited conversations she seems very sweet. Plus she's cute as hell.

I walked home and stopped at my older neighbor's house, John. He has a girl over, and his brother, and his friend, and another guy (John) from across the street joined us. I drank two Coors while there.. John is very hospitable.

Now I'm here.. I kinda hope Candi is available. She's a cute lady..

Soma-fied boredom

As much as I hate socializing, and as much as I pride myself on being a lone wolf.. sometimes I do get lonely. For someone to talk to. Or just sit with while watching a movie or something. It's pretty hard for me for a number of reasons; my anxiety and general awkwardness. My eclectic and odd interests and hobbies. My distrust of people, and my boundary issues.

That being said.. I think once I start working, I kinda want to date. Not to have a relationship, or even (necessarily..) to satisfy my physical desires. Really, I want to date so I can talk to new people, check out new places, "do life together." It will be hard, and probably hurtful at times, but yes, I think I would like to casually date somebody once I have paychecks rolling in.

Considering the area where my future job is located, it should be easy to find some girls to spend time withh, and things to do. Right in Center City, on Temple's campus? Should be plenty to do and plenty of girls to see. It's not a priority, but I'm 25 almost 26.. I need to be dating. Not just for sex or marriage or continuity of the human species; but to have fun and experience new and different things.

It's slim pickings around here, and it's always best to not fish in one's own pond. Craigslist or meeting girls randomly, while in the city, is probably my best bet. I'm actually pretty excited about the crazy hours, 9pm-6am. That means I can do dinner dates OR breakfast dates, while in the city. It should work out, as long as I'm patient and remember how to not scare people off or weird them out.

It's just so hard to find people like me.. and when I do, even then, they don't like me. I like to blame biology or my emotional problems but I really don't know what it is. I'm a good looking guy, pleasant to look at. I can hold a conversation, usually - though the topics are usually pretty esoteric to the recipient. It will just take time to find somebody as awesome as I am, haha.

Yesterday I transplanted my blackberry bush into a larger container. It's looking fantastic so far - I think I'll be bringing it inside for the winter; I don't want it to perish or become stunted from being outside in its first year. I'm hoping to keep her with me for as long as I can; I move and travel with my plants and seeds - another thing that sets me apart from the iPhone, Jersey Shore, beer-drinking types that make up the majority of my demographic.

Once working I sincerely hope to get back on track with a clean diet and a daily exercise regimen. I've put on the pounds, and my diet hasn't been great. I don't eat meat, but I do have a problem with carbs. Bread, pasta, toaster strudel. YUM! I just need to get into a good waking/sleeping/working schedule before I can implement a work-out program.

Working in the city will be great. Art museums, ethnic food spots, parks, foreign films.. just being in the city itself makes me happy. As much as I love nature and plants, I find urban architecture fascinating, and there's no limit to the different kinds of people you can watch or eavesdrop on. I can't wait.

A stash for all seasons,

So I applied for a job yesterday, and interview @ Jimmy John's Monday @ 2:30. The shift is 9pm-6am and consists mostly of slicing meats and cheeses. I'm really really psyched about this opportunity, I know i'm going to get the job. It should really cheer me up, getting out of the house, meeting new people, and of course making some money.

The cops having stolen all my pot plants and dry pot, it compels me to become a drug-stasher. It will take a supreme effort of will, but I think I can do it. Every time I get paid I pick up something and put it away for a rainy day. I like to be able to feel how I want to feel, when I want to feel it. That's why my stash will be very varied.. Ketamine vials, Vicodin 10s, Morphine 30mg for injection, Xanax, Klonopin, Ritalin. Nitrous Oxide.

It will be nice to be working, and have a stash. Happiness shall ensue.

Somatosensory relief

I woke up late today, and went to bed early. Might have been the 12 Soma I took yesterday. My dreams consisted of finding a shotgun, shells, a pistol and rounds for a confrontation with an unknown entity.

My sister is out getting pot for my father and I. I severely miss growing pot. It's a relaxing hobby and I love reaping the benefits. Personally I use it medicinally for my refractory depression. It also works for pain, insomnia, anxiety and has been shown to have neuroprotective qualities. Pot can also prevent cancer from forming.

I really really need to find a job.

Yesterday, whilst all Soma'd up, I took 2 clones of  my Blackberry bush. I hope in a month they show roots.

Getting money together is a top priority. CW e-mailed today to tell me yes, Diacetylmorphine (heroin) and Morphine 30mg are both in stock.

Ritalin, Hydrocodone 10mg, Oxymorphone 50mg injectable tablets, Morphine 30mg injectable tables, Klonopin 2mg and Xanax 1mg are on my wishlist. There's plenty of other drugs they supply, but only these ones are the ones I'm interested in.

Bramble and canes

My obsession with drugs is pretty much over. It really is time to figure out what I'm going to do with my life; what I should dedicate myself to.

I'd really like to live in the mountains, or the country. Growing my own pot, fruit, herbs, vegetables and flowers. Maintaining an heirloom orchard. Being semi-self sufficient. The less I have to rely on other people, the better. Of course, I'd also need a source of income. I'm thinking of learning all I can about Renewable Energy and applying it to people's homes.

Solar panels for electricity, back-up Diesel (or ethanol) generators, building attached Greenhouses, etc. It's big business right now, and I really think I have the brain, experience and chutzpah to do this.

Designing "Green" homes, or retro-fitting existing residences. It's the future.. with the economy, gasoline and oil shortages and escalating food prices, I don't see how it wouldn't be profitable on some level.

As the economy and situation in the United States, and the world in general, becomes worse and worse, "off-grid" living will become more and more popular.

Right now? I'm in limbo. I feel defeated, and worthless. I need to get out of this slump, get some energy and inspiration in my life. It just seems like everything is up in the air until my Pre-trial in September. It's hard to find a job and work when I'm not even sure I'll be a free man come Sept.21, you know?

I really do want to get a job, though, mostly to get out of the house and out of my head, and also so I can take a class or two. Horticulture, business or mathematics courses.

My dream right now is to become a business man and a semi-self sufficient farmer. Ideally, I would live on my own land, have a small orchard, a large vegetable herb and flower garden, and of course a field of pot. I want to make my own wine and cider, create my own preserves and pickled vegetables, trade clones and seeds with like-minded people. My time would be split between working my land, and designing and implementing Green homes. Happiness would follow, for sure.

This hippie has never felt comfortable in the suburbs, nor the city. It's time to go and live my life as best I can. The great thing about this day and age is that living out in the sticks does not necessarily mean being cut off from the rest of the world. Cellular phones, satellite internet.. it really wouldn't be a lonely existence. Plus, I could also drive to the nearest city or town once every few weeks, to socialize and pick up supplies and equipment that I can't come by myself.

So this is my new dream. I hope that one time I can achieve it.

Suitably disappointed

Last week I got the chance to waste 35$ on a round-trip to the city, scoring 1 hit each of heroin and cocaine.

It was disappointing in many ways, and helped me get just that much further from my obsession with self-medicating. The C sucked, the H sucked. I was followed by some street-walker until I lost him, then I tried to shoot some coke in front of the library only to be threatened by a guy "don't shoot dope in the park."

So I left, cocaine & cap in hand, and walked back to the El. I was all set to sit at the platform and fix up a shot..only there was a police officer on the platform. Almost let the urge get the better of me, but decided against shooting up 40 feet from a cop.

At the train station, I did manage to shoot up the different substances - minutes before 3 Canine units and their handlers entered the station doing their thing.

Street drugs suck unless you have connections.. I guess I forgot that. I'm much more into pharmaceuticals and pot, right now, than IV cocaine or heroin. Perhaps if I can put an order in to CW sometime, I'd inject their morphine, or maybe the ketamine. Otherwise it's just pot and pills for me.. it's a much better deal anyway. You know what you're getting.

I sorely miss growing pot.

Dragon's breath

So after many months and one failed attempt resulting in being robbed at knife-point, I am pretty sure that tomorrow I will be taking the subway into the city to grab some dope and powder. 1 and 1 = 3.

It's actually more for wanting that Taste of coke than wanting to get high. Though there is that, too. There are a few things I'm doing differently this time than my many previous times copping in Kensington:
I absolutely won't be doing any until I get back. I'm not talking to anyone except the 2 or 3 words I need to say to the dealer to buy the shit. I'm getting 2 needles, just in case, and I'm turning right around after copping to get back on the El.

I don't need to be there any longer than I need to. Not with my legal situation, nor with the heat, or the risk of being robbed (again).

After dosing tomorrow, I'll probably post again and write more for the fuck of it. This is an outlet, not a show. Doesn't matter the content, there's no audience save myself.
For safety reasons I should start off slow. 1 bag of heroin won't kill a person, but a surprisingly strong 10 of C might. Too much powder is not a pleasant feeling. Doing half of the powder, and then a solid speedball after that sounds good. If the dope was super strong I would just break it into two smaller speedballs but at similar IV doses, purity of street cocaine >> purity of street heroin. Much greater; plus cocaine is much easier to overdose on.

Godspeed

BLTC

I don't think I would sleep if I had a supply of trusty stimulants on hand. Sleep is really quite a waste of time - 8 hours doing nothing, minimal brain activity with a paralyzed, slightly twitchy body? No thanks.

Caffeine is a shitty drug. Modafinil is ok as a "wakefulness promoter" but it still lacks the actual stimulation, energy and endurance that proper dextro-amphetamine gives a person.

I love drugs, but not psychedelics, or amphetamines. But to be able to take something once every often, to fight off sleep for days at a time? I'd do it until the sleep deprivation and amphetamine-psychosis got to me. Until then, I sleep when I need to, I guess.

A relative might be able to get me work at a nearby Steel Factory or a Foundry or some such. I need the money. I need weed, and drugs.

My ideal, primo stash, since I'm fantasizing: jars of different strains of perfectly grown and cured buds. Dextro-amphetamine. Ritalin. Klonopin. Midazolam 5mg/5mL vial for injection. Morphine Sulfate injectable tablets. Some quality Heroin, and of course good Coke. Don't forget the hashish brownies or fudge, my own private recipes too.

I definitely need to put in an order to my connection in the South - I can get the M.S., Ritalin, Klonopin and Midazolam inj off them. They stock plenty of other stuff, even Fentanyl vials and vials of Anabolic Steroids.. but those are the only 4 medicines i'm interested in.

Definitely need some heavy-weight downers. I ate 3x1mg Xanax earlier to help me sleep. Ni de hablar! Strong and short acting my ass. Xanax ain't shit.

Alprazolam is weak; if I had some Midazolam inj. around I'd be out like a light. 1-2mL in the arm and I'd be sound asleep for hourZzzz. If only.

And yes, the air outside does still feel just a little Fake. Like Sim City or the Matrix fake. And hot.

Vraiment

Vraiment is French/Francais for "truthfully" or "verily." "De veras" would be a Spanish equivalent.

Truly, sometimes I feel like the air outside is Fake. Or somehow.. generated.

I was outside just now walking my garden; my 14 foot tall Sunflowers silhouetted both by moon-light and the Sodium-arc Street Lamps. The warm, very warm air sprung up and blew past me a little before I walked back inside - stopping briefly to water my ever thirsty Pear Tree.

My garden is great. I'm trapped by suburbia and circumstance. The backyard is as landscaped as I can make it, limited by my abilities, scope and finances.

That being so, I maintain quite a diverse garden. In no particular order, I'm currently growing:

Wild Strawberry, Mammoth Sunflowers, Peas (finished), Marigold, Green Bell Pepper, Jalapenyo Pepper, Echinacea, 2 types of cucumber, Mini Pumpkin, Portulaca, Nasturtium, Eggplant/Aubergine. Various Spider Plants, a Blackberry, an un-named red Ivy, some sort of cactus, and 6 types of Tomato - my favorite is the Orange Grape, tastes like a berry..

I was, until very recently, also growing medicinal Cannabis both indoors and out. That is no longer a reality, as much as I desire it to be so. I do miss growing it; and I Have, in fact, decided to pursue Gardening as a career.

Through being a Contractor or Consultant; supplying patients with the manpower, the experience, the skills, to build, maintain and yield from their own medicine gardens. Outside or in. All "Green" techniques, all Organic nutrients - including Eco-friendly fungus/insecti-cides.

It could be lucrative, and it's what I like to do.

If it was worth all this (legal) trouble to begin growing it in the first place, and having continued to do so, then it stands to reason that it can be worth a lot more to me as a means of self-employ. Not to grow and sell it; any person with a green thumb can do that. I'm more interested in Grow Room Design & Set-up, Maintenance, and all-organic Pest Control / Cleaning, &c, &c.

Vraiment est-ce que c'est je voudrais cultiver !

Futues tu ipsum

Today was a waste. Literally.

Nikki's unemployment didn't go through, so no chemical fun for me today. I slept in, and was in a very depressed mood all day really.

I didn't feel right, or happy, until by chance my "friend" called me and set me up with some medicine; i'll be paying him Friday. It's nice to find that there do exist decent souls not only in the world, but in the criminal/counter-culture underworld.

The smoke was good. Still nothing like I grow, of course. But not much is. I sorely miss growing it. I'm thinking more and more that, It's what I like to do. It can be lucrative. And I'm probably going to jail for it. I might as well make a living doing it, ne?

I can grow stuff that is true "one-hit shit." And I mean, to serious tokers/patients with serious tolerances. My father and I would smoke 3 bowls, between us, of our Cheese or Blueberry buds (strains we have). Conversely, we would smoke 1/2 ! a bowl between us, of a strain called Bubble Gum X Haze. I got the original seeds from a guy from DUESSELDORF, GERMANY. And god-damn do they know their pot, in Dusseldorf, Germany!

Of the 7 females we grew out, 2 were very special. The Keeper, BG.Haze#1 bloomed for 93 days (under 12 hours on/ 12 hours off schedule) and the buds were very dense, very fragrant and dark black. The bud leaf was the color of de-oxygenated blood; these were some seriously dark flowers. Reeked of muddy strawberries and incense with a bit of pine. 1 average sized joint will probably get 8 people high. Very high.

But what do I do for work for now? I won't be able to grow again for a while, in all likelihood. I need money so I can get high and party it up before having to go to jail. Plus to keep myself busy, and also maybe look better in front of the judge, going in front of the Naze-fuck with a job. Who the fuck knows.

I really want some fucking drugs. A speedball, or shot of straight C, to start with. I also have a mail order connection for seriously cheap drugs, mostly prescription type pills.
Ritalin10mg and Klonopin2mgs for 10$/30#bottle; 500mgKetamine/10mL vial for 10$,injectable morphine 30mg tabs 3$ a piece. They stock plenty of other benzos, fentanyl, loads of steroids.

But I'm really only interested in the M, the Ritalin and the K-pins. The Ketamine vial of 50mg/mL solution is just for experimentation; I've never tried it.

I'm calling Chik-Fil-A and a nearby Ice Factory tomorrow to see if they're hiring.

Are we having fun yet?

Monday, fun day

At my church yesterday, our Pastor started us on a new series called:
 "Frequently Asked Questions: You Asked For It!"

Now, Pastor Eric usually Teaches a series on a different topic, for 3 weeks in a row. This current series's topic is a bit different... the last 3 weeks of service, along with our "Collection Cards" we were given "F.A.Q." cards. It's these questions that yesterday's service, and the next two weeks, will be based on. Pretty innovative, huh? I thought it was cool.

The questions we covered yesterday included "What does G-d look like?", "How are children who die, or mentally challenged/disabled people Saved? What is their purpose?" and "Tattoos; good or bad? What does the Bible say?"

Good stuff. I just took some Xanax, lately it's everyday that I need SOMETHING just to get through my life. If I had money I'd be using the good stuff. As it is, lately I've been smoking ditch-weed, eating Soma/Carisoprodol, and Xanax. I have a ridiculously high tolerance to chemicals similar to these... 2 or 3 Soma would leave the average sized man comatose - or at least stumbling and slurring. I take 10 to feel that way. 1 or 2mg of Xanax has the average person asleep, or very sedate. Me? I take 3 or 4mg and get a little foggy, slightly forgetful, and that's about it.

I do have some sensitivities though. I'm very sensitive to amphetamines (gross), and also cocaine. YUM. In fact, I'm hanging out with a girl Wednesday. She's making a run up to the city to grab some dope for herself, a 10$ piece of C for me, and of course the necessary syringes to get off RIGHT. I used to be a huge doper.. I try to avoid it now, but I still love C every once in a while. I never liked the shit snorted, not even smoked (crack) - IV is the way it was meant to be used.

IV is how Sigmund Freud first experimented with it - he wrote a book about it and its medicinal effects, "Uber Cocaine." Before the increase in potency of imported cocaine into the U.S. in the 1970-80s, the most commonly used method of taking coke was by needle. The Beatles mention it in a song "..he shoots Coke-a-Cola, he says 1 and 1 and 1 make 3" or some such nonsense. Anyway, I'll never sniff the shit again. It's a waste. Only 30% is absorbed, and it truly feels like a different, better, non-stimulant drug when taken in the vein.

When you push the plunger, your heart skips a beat. You cough, and immediately realize your entire mind body and soul tastes like cocaine, and feels "chilly" or refreshed.. but in a good sense. It's like coca-cola for the neurons, the nerves, everything. It makes you feel like Superman, it creates vibrations in the soul, it's incredible.
Another special effect of cocaine mainlined is that it produces auditory hallucinations akin to a deafening roar of a train going from one ear to the other. That's almost at the limit of toxicity though.
In the words of William Burroughs "the difference between a good dose of C and a toxic overdose of C is very marginal indeed."

Needless to say, as drug-free as I've been, and as stressed, I can really, REALLY go for a nice shot or two of powder. I can't wait for Wednesday morning; it should be tight. If it's a good bag off the Puerto Ricans, it should hold two fat doses for me. I'm probably going to shoot it all at once though.. a dime won't kill you. A 15 or 20 piece of the same quality might, though.

I need to find a job, and/or get some money together. I keep saying, and I do try.. but it's just hard. Nobody's hiring. Nobody wants to hire a former junkie and an accused "marijuana" grower. Truly I need to move.. I live in a very non-Boheme, homo-phobic, impoverished, Conservative, backwards area. Never have I felt at ease here. Not the way I felt in Toronto - I felt at home there, and really wish I could live and work there some day.

25 isn't that old. And life is really long. You never know where you'll find yourself.

On a humorous ending note, this is the voice mail message I left to the leader of the Court-mandated Group IOP (Intensive Out-Patient) I was made to attend.
    "Hello Debra, this is A. I was in your IOP group, but my insurance has stopped paying for it and as such I won't be going back to group, nor to our individual therapy sessions. Between you and I, I felt the whole program was bullshit, and that the 12-Steps are for individuals without the mental capacity to simply man up, have some self-control and quit their addictions to PCP, crack or alcohol. I feel as if the IOP group meetings, and the NA/AA meetings these people attend with religious fervor are nothing more than a substitution addiction for people too weak to quit drugs on their own. You can recommend me to Rehab for "marijuana dependency", whatever the hell that is. I've been to the Mental Hospital. It's nice. Nothing you or anyone can say or do, not sending me to In-Patient Rehab, nor Jail, will change how I feel regarding the medicinal use of marijuana or the responsible use of recreational drugs. Thanks and have a nice life."

On APIS MELLIFLERA and other early-morning topics

I got stung by a honeybee yesterday in my garden; I stepped on the little guy. Well, girl - foragers are all diploid female bees. I'm not allergic but I do get sick from the sting.. fuckers injected me with poison! I don't hold it against them - bees have been helping Mankind out for 10,000 years - but goddamn if I didn't wake up sick to my stomach this morning! I vomitted this morning like I haven't vomitted in months. Not since my last shot of H or C, really.

The heat is on to find some money. I've been applying all over; this area is economically desolate. I'm entirely over-qualified for most positions I apply for - but still to no avail. It leads me to think of crazy, stupid criminal activities that can help get money together for my legal case - or, more likely, stick me with another open case. And I hate jail. But what is a guy to do??

I'm bloody brilliant. I know a little about crime; I'm nonviolent though. Not having any accomplices, and with cameras everywhere, most robberies/heists are out of the question. I'm not a bad guy - if I could live my life without money, I would. But I can't.

I need money for: my legal case, to clear up my debt at the University/Pittsburgh, to move to a Medical Marijuana State (or Nation..), and ultimately open up my own small businesses.

A cafe featuring home-baked, all natural cakes and brownies and stuff like that. Coffee and tea drinks too!Two menus - "Special" menu and "Regular" menu. I want it to be a very relaxed, bakery/pot cafe/vaporizor lounge. House plants, eclectic seating, bookshelves with classics of literature and different board games to play. No rushing of the customers; I want it to be a place where people come to pay, nominally, to hang out. And to medicate in a place where nobody has to be worried about eating or vaporizing their God-given herbal medicine.

All I'd require for entrance is one drink or treat per customer, and no criminal activities on premises! No booze. No drugs. No open sales of pot or hash.. just be sneaky and I'd probably turn a blind eye, if you offer me a joint of course ;@

My other small business idea is a Consultation/Gen.Contractor business. I and my partner could turn it into QUITE a lucrative business. Setting up, maintaining, and trouble shooting Indoor MMJ grows for Patients or their Caregivers. We would also offer clean up, tear-down, and trimming services. Again, I'd like to charge as low as I can while still turning a profit.

It's what I like to do , and what I'm good at - So why not pursue it? I just have to pursue it in an area where the penalties for growing aren't so harsh. In fact, where growing for Patients is LEGAL.

_Today I'm applying to some more jobs around my way: UPS, Rite Aid Pharmacy Tech, an Ice factory. Fun.

Also, my nefarious mind will also continue comtemplating different ways of procuring money illegally.. though that never works out well. And, as previous, I do NOT want to go back to jail. So we'll see.

Previous things that have worked (back in my addict days) were: thieving out of lockers at the gym, having my hands in the till at the bar I worked at (2-500$ a week on top of my pay, sweet), and also convincing a girl I could buy 400 Xanax 2mg for 300 dollars - I CAN do that, but I took her 300 and put it in my arm. Sucker.

None of these are really viable though. No guns, getaway drivers, accomplices.. Fuck all that illegal stuff. For now.

On Soma, and other topics

One of my interests and self-taught skill sets is pharmacology. The effects, dispensation, elimination and structure of different medicinal compounds. It's quite amazing how medicines work on the body. Soma is the name brand of a compound known as a Carmabamate;  its chemical name is Carisoprodol. The funny thing about Soma is, it has recreational potential comparable to Valium, Quaaludes or Vicodin, but aren't Scheduled at all.

Carisoprodol metabolizes, in vivo, into Meprobamate. Meprobamate, also known as Miltown or Equanil, was very highly prescribed in the 1950s-60s. It was one of the original "Mother's Little Helpers." It is still prescribed, though very rarely. You can die from too much Soma. Not only that, but from reading the literature, and from personal experience, I can tell you that Carisoprodol potentiates Opiates upwards of sevendfold. This stuff is legal, but pot is severely illegal? Silly Government. Don't get me wrong, I do dig Soma..especially with Opiates. But it's just backwards, you know?

I desperately need money.. It's hard to not consider illegal methods of procuring it. I've thought of everything from pharmacy-robberies to synthesizing crystal meth via the reduction of ephedrine using Hydro-iodic acid and red Phosphorus. But jail truly, truly sucks. And I don't want to go back there. At the same time, I DO need money to pay a lawyer, to keep me out of there.. Kinda wish I was still growing pot. Ha.

My 7 year old cousin stays with us half the week. She's in quite a mood right now, flipping out about her hair, and her doll's. Good thing I ate 4 Soma earlier, ne?

Dinner time - home made pasta salad with home grown orange grape tomatos, baked potatoes and BocaBurgers (no meat, it's a vegetable/bulgur product).

Ciao

a noble beginning

I need to keep busy, and recently thought that I should join the blogSphere. I'm going to be a Blogger!

My name is A and I would like this to be an outlet for frustrations and a space where I can express my beliefs without being persecuted. For like many people before me, the Puritans, Witches and Heretics, I am a persecuted individual who only wants to live his life without interference from anyone.

My reason for needing to keep busy is because I've recently had to give up a major hobby and habit; gardening indoor cannabis also known as "marijuana" - and smoking copious amounts of it. I wasn't selling any of it; and I do use it for medicinal reasons. Depression, Anxiety. They only found 1 ounce , not even dry or smokable yet, 27 plants - 4 plants almost ready to harvest - the other 23 plants were small..
I like growing it. For ten years, since I was 15, I've been growing it, though I didn't start smoking regularly until 18 and never tried the stuff til 16.

Resulting from a petty feud I might go into later, the local police were tipped by an Informant, my sister's friend, about my grow. I feel as if they broke into my house, stole my plants and half my grow equipment and now are extorting me for money at the most (fines); giving me jail time at the worst. I live in a very ..backwards..state when it comes to cannabis legislation.

Why is there abuse and use of alcohol, but only ABUSE of certain substances? Because they're irrationally prohibited. Well, you know what, so was alcohol at one time - the Fed can be wrong; why is it so wild to think they might be wrong with pot? Everyone knows Methamphetamine and Heroin are dangerous..but pot?? Every independent studied has shown it is not only benign but also beneficial for over 40 ailments.

The state could make a lot of extra money , selling joints like cigarettes (m ost of the cost of cigs is the TAX) - they could also tax growers a certain amount per year.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only sane and rational one in a sea of millions.. though my family feels similarly. Being brought up in a Dry household, I learned early on the dangers of Booze. I worked at a bar during a period of my life; I saw the wacky changes it induces in people. Booze is good for little more than unprotected sex, violence, and a hangover - for most people.

I do believe in responsible use, you know. Legislation and stigma, it seems, have replaced the need for common sense, and personal responsibility.

Planning on moving soon.. I'm good at what I do, and I enjoy it. They always say, "find something you like and a way to make money doing it". If I can legally grow and sell to the Dispensaries and to patients I'd have found my calling. Or at least, my way-to-make an income calling.

A